Happy Saturday! Today Travis and I are celebrating 11 years of marriage. And because of that, I thought it would be a perfect time to share something that’s been on my heart for awhile.
Travis and I are both type A, perfectionists, and eanneagram 1s. We are both the oldest of 3 kids and we’re both extroverts. It’s one hell of a match-up! While it is almost always fun, we have our own unique set of hurdles, too.. We’re stubborn as all get out, and despite having the best time together, we work on our marriage daily.
Marriage is work. The best kind of work.
Early on in our marriage some of our mentors, who were happily married, told us that you have to work at your marriage every single day; you have to work through the easy times and the tough times. I am so grateful for this advice because it could’t be closer to the truth. Travis and I have to work daily to communicate well, to listen well, to pursue each other physically and emotionally, and to support one another.
Earlier this year I realized I was spending a lot of energy “doing” things for our marriage. Things like working on how I communicate in conflict, affirming Travis with words and touch, and spending quality one-on-one time with him. All of of those things are good things, but it still felt like I was missing something. While I include Travis in my nightly prayers, I wasn’t praying intentionally for him. I wasn’t praying intentionally for him as the leader of our family, for his work, for his character, or for his walk with Christ.
So, several months ago I decided to pray and pursue Travis intentionally every day for 30 days. I set an alarm to go off on my phone every day at 11:31 AM. The significance of 11:31? It’s nothing special really. 11 was close to lunch time so I figured I would have some spare time and “31” because I’m always striving to be closer to a Proverbs 31 woman.
In our current stage in like, kid events seem to dominate our time leaving little time and energy for each other. So, for 30 days I intentionally prayed for Travis and could never have predicted the benefits of it!
Benefits of Praying Intentionally For My Husband:
The first day I started praying intentionally for Travis, I made some predictions about what may happen. I thought I would see major changes in him and his actions. What I found though, was that my heart and actions began to change, and in turn, our marriage started to change for the better and thrive.
Below are some of the most notable benefits I discovered from praying intentionally for my husband:
- We Laughed More – one of the first things I started noticing as I was praying intentionally for Travis was that the air between us became more lighthearted. On day 3 I noticed we were laughing a lot more than normal.
- We Texted More – we text most days when we’re at work, but the content of our texts began to shift ever so slightly. By day 4 I noticed that our text conversations were more light hearted. I began to make more of an effort to relate to Travis and to be funny and he reciprocated. I noticed we became less offendable throughout the work week. Little comments, those one-word texts that drive me nuts, became non-issues. I recognized them for what they were – one word answers, not some emotionally charged alterior meaning. I began to let go of the tiny little things that used to get on my nerves.
- We were more united – the more we communicated the more we became united on issues. I’m not saying we started to agree more, but we started to see each other’s point of view better and meet in the middle easier.
- It allowed for more open communication – being in constant communication with God about my husband seemed to make communicating with Travis even easier. Our dialogue was gentler and we were more apt to listen to one another.
- We appreciated each other more – it’s funny to me that when you think and pray intentionally for someone, you start to appreciate them more. The more I prayed for Travis the more I appreciated all he was doing for me and our girls. I was able to see past the tiny thing to the big things.
- We were more apt to discuss hurts and praises – having a safer, more open line of communication allowed us to be more open about tougher issues. I found our nightly conversations going deeper and opening up more about things that ailed us and things we wanted to celebrate.
What I Found Interesting from Praying Intentionally for my Husband:
- Not all days are easy. On day 14 I noted that praying was hard because it wasn’t a very blissful day; we were minorly at odds with one another for some reason; but, these were the days I need to be reminded to pray the most. I was reminded that love isn’t just a warm and fuzzy feeling; rather, I am called to love Travis selflessly and unconditionally and that means praying for him despite feeling warm and fuzzy.
- What I’m finding so interesting is that on the onset of this I thought it would change Travis and affect him positively, but what I’m realizing is that it’s changing me and my heart more. It’s making me more tender and more kind to Travis. I find myself approaching him in love with an open ear.
- Another big benefit to praying daily for Travis is that it changed how I looked at and viewed travis. I used to nit-pick him, but now I’m seeking the good instead of seeking to over analyze every little thing
- I’m learning to not assume the worst. There are night’s where small offenses occur like Travis forgetting to say “I love you” at night.” Truth be told. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s fallen asleep before saying i love you. So, when he forgets I’m inclined to be hurt by it. Typicially, I would raise heck and tell Travis how he hurt me. But, after being intentionally in prayer for Travis and seeking his best, I was able to ask his intent. He explained it was completely unintentional and I was able to take him at his word. I didn’t make assumptions about the situation.
- We are more connected in almost every way. We are laughing more, touching more, more willing to listen to the other in times of arguments; life isn’t without conflict – but Im encouraged to try harder in those times
how to pursue your husband well:
- pray intentionally
- encourage him daily
- know his love language
- pursue him sexually (ear muffs mom dad and in-laws)
- be consistent – pursue him daily
- Be slow to speak and quick to listen
Just and FYI, none of this means life or your marriage will be easy. In fact, the opposite – life will always throw curve balls. But, if you have a strong foundation in Christ and are daily seeking the best for your husband and your marriage, you can weather any storm.